I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
