STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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