Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
