it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
