and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
