My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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