Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
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Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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