Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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