maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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