To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
