jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
