I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
