before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
