this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
