Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
