I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
