What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
