Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You are a genius and a whore.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
