At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You don't make any sense
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