anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
