I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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