EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
