Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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