It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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