Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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