She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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