i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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