is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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