you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
