Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
