Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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