This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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