My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
