There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
