this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
