You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
