Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
