if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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