shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
