she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
