That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
