i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
