Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
