I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
