I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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