these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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