I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize