Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
