I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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