I want to walk on stilts...naked
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
