Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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