Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Floor bacon is actually really good
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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