so that wasnt chicken after all
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
