Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
