I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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