I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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