i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
