I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
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Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
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Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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