I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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