Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
