i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
