When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
