I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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