Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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