piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Sober January is a disaster.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
