Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
