We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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