my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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