this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
