Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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