There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
