Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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