when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize