Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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