dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Randomize
