I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
