we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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