Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
