my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
