i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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